There are moments like right now, where it feels okay. Where it feels like it will BE okay…
And there are moments of real bonding with me and all the kids. There is laughter and debate. There is never ending love, affection.
And there is sadness, because I wanted so badly for you to be part of it all. It feels like something is missing all the time. But, I’m learning to accept that wasn’t how it really was, or ever could be. We never really did just have peace did we? It was either really really good like cloud nine fireworks and magic, or really really bad. Anxiety, fear, stress, hopelessness.
It never just was, and I’m learning to accept that. It shouldn’t be that much work to love and be loved.
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